In Unironic Defense of Hollywood
Trash Celebrities If You Must, But First, I Have A Few Thoughts for you
I’m not going to shame the author by naming them, but I will say that I saw an article about a particular famous person, and I started to read it, because sometimes when well-worded, opinions about celebrities and the things that people who are not, see, can be interesting.
I don’t mean the gossip — I mean tell me about Jason Mamoa starting a water company using cans. Tell me about other people diving into politics, let me watch Jennifer Garner being weird 24 hours a day. THAT’S what I want.
Celebrities exist because their only purpose on this planet — so society says — is to entertain us and to keep us entertained through things like war, pandemics, starvation, trauma, and PTSD.
Ukraine did something entirely different than what North American audiences did, and they turned their favourite celebrity into President.
And now he’s facing a war, at the hands of a lunatic who thinks that BECAUSE Zelensky started out as a celebrity, he can’t possibly win a war.
Heh. Good luck with that.
We constantly forget that before celebrities were famous, they had whole lives living in poverty. Jackie Collins made a career out of telling us the history of Hollywood, pretending to be using metaphors when she was telling the exact truth that she lived, and saw others living in Hollywood. It’s the perfect source material for the way that Hollywood existed in the 80s, compared to how Hollywood exists now.
The reason that the article pissed me off wasn’t that it was insulting celebrities, no I’m angry about the article because that’s all it was.
Over eight hundred useless words to explain that the only reason this author hates celebrities is that they’re all coke-induced drug addicts who can’t possibly have any experience with the realities that we face, without actually acknowledging that the celebrities of today are NOT the same of 50 years ago.
Without naming anyone in particular, several Canadian celebrities made it hugely famous only to face drug addiction issues that in some cases took their lives, or at the very least destroyed what could have been. American as well.
Many celebrities grew up in poverty and only made it rich because they got lucky enough to be at the right place at the right time, WHILE being precisely just commercial enough, that they could be moulded into something that made them millions of dollars.
But when we look at the fancy cars, the beautiful houses, and the great collection of clothes, while we drool all over that, we often don’t see the very real problems that people who use celebrities as a profession face.
The Vampires That Feed On Celebrity Are Real
California — alone — has more cults, religious organizations, and “spiritual,” centers than anywhere else I’ve ever heard of my entire life. MANY different cults start in California, or make their way out there, for one reason and one reason only.
Celebrity = money = power = control
That’s it. So you’ll find that many celebrities are very lonely, because EVERYONE wants to be friends with a famous person, not because of that PERSON, but because of that person’s FAME.
So when we reach out to our favourite by sending a letter, or an email, or a Twitter or Instagram post, we often don’t get a response, then we feel bad, because “Who the fuck do they think they are?” Like politicians, celebrities' jobs demand that they remain famous — but that fame doesn’t mean that they go out of their way to make you feel good about being a fan.
When you see your favourite superheroes at Comic-con remember they get paid to be there, and the reason that many of them aren’t excited about it, is because they get treated like shit, by people a celebrities job actually ends the moment their done doing their press.
EVERYTHING after that means that they are just regular people who went to work, got paid, and then came home to a whole world of people that hate them, because of their race, creed, nationality, size, orientation, political beliefs, religious beliefs.
The reason that we’re only now starting to see Diversity in Hollywood, is because Hollywood is finally starting to find a spine, but it’s not because the OLD Hollywood members want that spine to exist, it’s because with the aging of our Elder acting community, Hollywood like any soul-sucking demon, needs fresher and fresher blood.
MANY white people — in particular — are actually moving aside, because they know that white, blonde, and skinny is a dime a dozen. It’s much harder to find Indian, fat, Chinese and Lesbian than it is to find blonde cis and white.
That being said that doesn’t mean that just because you’re a part of diversity or marginalized group in Hollywood you’re suddenly praised, none of that matters at the end of the day IF you can’t make money for the project in question.
You have to be smart and clever, but not too clever, you have to follow everything that your director, producer, and the investors of the project want you to do, AND you have to find a way to be yourself, (ha, or what’s left of yourself,) after every single fucking idiot around you, finishes telling you who to be.
I know this, because if you’re Black or marginalized, then you already know how this feels, but for many of us who are Black, marginalized, and part of a diverse multi-cultural group, we don’t actually think of white people being marginalized.
If you’re just starting to realize where I’m going with this, then you’re ready for Hollywood.
“Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.”
“I want to be an actor,” starts out super innocently, until you realize you’ll spend most of your life losing weight so that you can be in perfect condition — ask Marky Mark how many fucking chickens he eats a month. I dare you. It’s a disgusting amount.
Disgusting because that and vegetable is about all he eats, and fish sometimes, then he wakes up at 3 fucking am. Yeah, I’m great things, I had KFC for dinner, I will NOT be working it off with a walk later, I will NOT be working you for four hours a day six days a week, and I WILL NOT give a fuck if the people of Hollywood and the fans give a shit about my ass.
BUT…That’s literally just one in a million reasons why I have no interest in being in Hollywood.
I have every desire to see all the great stories of the world get told on screen, but I have absolutely no desire to be on screen because you people — and yeah I mean YOU READING THIS — are fucking fowl.
“She’s so fat.”
“He’s totally gay in real life.”
Uhh, who gives a shit. Like seriously, does Lil Nas X like to suck dick REALLY offend you? Is it because you’re jealous? I bet it is.
Yet I would LOVE to see his music videos turned into a full-length film — it’ll be 20 years max before we see that because the Black community is TERRIFIED of supporting and loving on Lil Nas X because he’s the first openly gay rapper in the history of time. (Looking at you Dre, Em, Ice’s)
All our favourite “gangsta rappers,” who weren’t afraid to take on guns, gangs, fucking car bombs, are afraid of supporting a fellow Black artist because he’s openly gay? And you think that people in Hollywood can’t understand on the ground, front-line problems.
In a place like Washington or Hollywood, your success depends entirely on how many people are willing to put up with your bullshit, and that only happens when you’re able and willing to make their money, OR when the people around you are “old Hollywood,” enough that excuses can be made for your behaviour.
We’ve seen it a million times. People get famous young, and hte first thing they do is get involved in drugs and sex, because when you have access to everything for the first time, why the fuck wouldn’t you try it?
When there are no rules, why would you make up your own? Being a good person in places of high power and connection is a struggle, and to expect ANY normal human to be able to survive in a place like Hollywood or even the highest offices in politics, is fucking disgusting.
“Well, when I get famous I’m going to do things differently….”
No, you’re fucking not, you’re going to follow the lead of all those who open the door for you, because no matter WHAT industry you’re in when you’re new to the world that you’re entering, you’re following in the footsteps of those who make room for you at the fucking table.
And the moment that you no longer serve a purpose you are thrown out and no one ever hears from you again.
“What happened to that girl from that movie from that place that time…” She probably went home to Idaho because she was tired of being told she had to be naked and easy to be famous. Or he, or they, or them.
It’s really easy to trash talk politicians, or gangsters, or teachers, or celebrities, but until you’ve walked ONE day in their footsteps it’s much easier to maybe not write articles about how actors should just shut the fuck up.
THE REASON that this particular actor I won’t name decided to speak out, was because the bubble of “it can’t happen here,” was popped when it actually DID happen in their hometown.
A shooting at a gay nightclub, a man being murdered by a cop, a Black woman being forced to the ground while pregnant and then shot, a celebrity dying from an overdose, a transwoman being killed in an alley, ALL of these things affect people differently.
NONE Of us has the capacity to speak out all the time about all the things, but when you find the courage and you do speak out — regardless of where you come from — you’re told to shut up.
A very famous actor I very much admire with all my heart was clearly warned about saying something on a specific topic, and we all saw it happen in real-time. The time between the original post, and when the post was “translated” into something slightly different, was beyond disappointing.
But we also knew why — as fans, and as humans, it was clearly understood — Hollywood bit back.
I don’t give a fuck if you want to judge celebrities — any and all of them — they all make mistakes, they all make weird choices, and they all make great choices, and bad ones, because they’re human. They just get paid a lot more to pretend not to be human.
That’s a lot to expect, and while we see the pretty and the glamorous on television, we don’t always see behind the scenes, and even when we DO see what’s going on behind the scenes, trust me when I tell you that Hollywood in particular — has a very twisted way of keeping the secrets of the things that Hollywood wants to be kept secret.
Never assume you know anything, and even when you do step carefully, not because you might get hurt, but because of things like what’s happening to Britney Griner, we as fans, as a MASSIVE audience of voices, have the power to cause MUCH more harm to 1 individual, than we do to help.
For more than 20 years people rallied on behalf of Britany Spears, and for years she could do no wrong. No matter what she did, no matter how outlandish or “crazy,” as the press liked to call her, her fans supported her.
But when it comes to other actors, they don’t even see a fraction of that, and when they do speak out because an event has touched the whole world, INCLUDING them, then they are harrassed, faced with death threats, and abused, but tell me again that the reason they isolate themselves is because of drugs alone.
Humans are humans.
We all make mistakes, and while I will CONTINUE to rail on the stupid shit that people who also happen to be white say — I’ll ALSO continue to remind you that I know it’s about all white people as much as it is all of Hollywood, Washington or Ontario or Qubec.
That being said…yeah, I’m probably still gonna call a fucking moron a fucking moron when you act like a fool. I don’t care how powerful your people tell you you are.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall